Monday, February 7, 2011


It's been awhile.

A long time since I've written anything publicly. I feel like I've been in hiding, trying to get away from my current state of being, and doing so through not communicating my thoughts to almost anyone.

Living recluse is not something I quite enjoy, but I may have been an unintentional vessel of it. Slowly drifting away from the people around me, including the Almighty. And it really is a drift, not a quickened running pace. It's not something I wanted to happen, it's something I allowed to happen. I didn't hold on to what the Almighty had given me. I held it as loosely in my hand as a child holds a balloon.

And when I let go of that string, I just watched.

I just watched.

I've been smoking for almost 6 months now.
I battle pornography everyday.

And on my most wretched of days, I feel the Lord's grace the most.
No matter how hard I run, He always, always grabs me and pulls me back.

And it's time for this soul to return home.
To throw down my vices that keep me from, and return to the embrace of the Almighty.

If you're reading this, I probably owe you an apology. I've let many down. I've become things I said I would never become.
But know, I'm on the road back to where I started.

Hear me, when I say that no vices is worth the price of pleasure that you have to pay.
I can say that now. I didn't know, and it was something I had to experience.
But now, I can say that I am wretched. I was born in the muck and mire.
And now, I can say that above all, this is all for Christ. There is no fulfillment elsewhere.

He is the reason we exist.
For His name.

I am battling on, and there is no over-night fix.
I haven't quit smoking yet.
But He is greater than my struggle.

Pray for me brothers and sisters.
I need the grace of Christ, and your grace all the same right now.

1 comment:

  1. I found your blog. :) That was beautiful. And in an odd way, encouraging. Thanks for sharing.