Thursday, October 15, 2009


Have you ever noticed how half hearted we tend to be when we pray? 
Our conversations with God are more like vague portraits of something we don't even know how to express. "God, help me," "God, turn me upside down," "God, break me." 

Those are fantastic things to pray, but I barely know what they mean in some regard. 

I know that when I pray for things like understanding and wisdom, I ask in anticipated unbelief. I expect God not to answer me. 
James 1:6-8 is a wake up for these kind of prayers. 

6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

God wont answer me when I really do doubt His power. 
Why do we ask with such a half heart?

Because we don't understand the authority we've been given through Christ.

I am petrified by how many Christians let the enemy kick down their door. Again and again. And all they have to say is, "Satan is attacking me."
Given, yes he is. But do you realize the strength you've been given by being a coheir with Christ? We do not have to suffer the effects of satan's attacks. 

When Jesus was on trial before Pilate, He remained silent. Absolutely stunningly silent. 
I think that we all should be absolutely scared out of our minds when God is silent.
Pilate reminds Jesus that he has the authority to save Jesus' life, or crucify Him.
Jesus replies, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above."

All power and authority comes from God. 
If you look at Matthew 28:18-20, the Great Commission, Jesus says that "All authority in Heaven and on earth has been given to me." But he also says "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

We have that authority. He is always with us. 
Romans 8:37-39 declares that we are more than conquerors and nothing can separate us from His love. 

We need to walk into the authority we've been given. If we don't, we are in willful disobedience. We let ourselves be overcome by temptation, we suffer through physical sickness, we don't walk in it. 
We don't always pray for those who are sick, we don't rebuke satan that he will flee, we let these things slide so easily. 

We're way to timid in how we approach God. Not to say we shouldn't fear Him, because He is definitely worthy of that fear, and awe and reverence. Hebrews 4:16 says "Let us approach the throne of grace with confidence." 

We are allowed to ask God for stuff. 
And we're allowed to expect that He'll deliver.

Psalm 65:5 says "You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness..."

the Lord has been showing me the effects of walking in the authority. Its who we are.
If we don't know who we are, and identify with Christ in this matter, we're worse off than any of us thought. Even worse, if we don't know ourselves, we definitely don't know God, and we shouldn't pretend too.

He is something we'll never grasp. I think that kills our minds knowing that we'll never fully know Him, at least till Heaven, but we barely even think about that. We try to know as much of God as we can. We seek, and seek, and seek, and seek this God and we don't know what we're seeking. 

I have a lot of thoughts that correlate to other ideas and other epiphanies, but I won't go into them now.

However, if this authority is a precious gift I've been given, how much more do I desire to walk in it. How much more do I desire to explore it. How much more will I stand in it. 

Saturday, October 10, 2009


I never realized what a wounded and broken human being I am. 
I second guess myself, I question the motives of others, I look for signs of annoyance in people, etc...

As the Lord has been putting me in this incredible wonder of healing, I'm having to go over all of these old wounds, that I thought I had dealt with. Moreover, they are a literal gushing stab wound, and my resolve was to put a band-aid over it. Meanwhile, blood and life continues to flow out of me. 

Something I was absolutely shocked by in myself was the amount of doubt I had let in.
Doubt in myself, doubt in people, doubt in God. 
Not doubt in God's existence, I know He exists. Psalm 53:1 says "The fool denies God in his heart." I'm past that foolishness; I still have many more foolishnesses to overcome. 

When I looked in my heart, and saw all of these wounds that made me doubt people, I started to analyze how I treated and reacted to individuals when they expressed their care for me. 
When parents expressed how much they loved me, my ears fell deaf.
When my friends told me how much I mean to them, I laughed and couldn't comprehend it.
When I read the Word and found passages like Isaiah 43:4, where God expresses how He would give other peoples up, just because  He loves me,  I skimmed over those words.

What made me so calloused to love? What made me so hard toward those I trust and love mutually? 


At some point, because of my previous situations with people and the verbally abuse I received from people (not my parents, they have only spoken loving, kind and encouraging words to me all my life), I doubted good intentions. 

Doubt seems to be more crafty than any of us really understand. It just doesn't come at us in full temptation mode like lust, or pride.
It's far more subtle, and easier to kindle. 
It's quiet. It doesn't voice itself very vocally, at first.
It is birthed with the slightest hint of unbelief. 

We all want to believe people mean well. 
Tipping good at restaurants, picking up trash, helping old ladies across the street. 
What ever kindness we see, we believe its done with good intentions. 
However. When those beliefs are betrayed, something bitter begins in a person.

Bitterness, like doubt, is a slow growing cancer, that takes over before one can even recognize any symptoms. This is why it is so crucial to kill the weeds before they grow into trees. You can still cut down the trees, but you still have that stump to deal with for the rest of your life.

God is a father. He provides like a father, He loves like a father, He honors like a father.
He wants to give good gifts like any dad wants to toward their child, especially when it is in accordance to His will. However, something about us wants to doubt the good nature of God; we put God in the person box, which yes, He is a being, but He is so much more faithful than any human I've ever come in contact with. He cannot deny Himself, so for me to think of God in human standards is folly anyways, but I'll humor myself in thinking of God this way. 

I'll ask God for wisdom, and part of me doubts I'll grow wiser.
I tossed back and forth by the waves. 
James 1:6-7 talks about doubting the goodness of God, in accordance to asking Him for things. What I find interesting is how when we doubt God, that doubt almost seems to overcome His desire to give. So simple-minded people like you and me will get mad at God and say, "Lord, if you would just give me this, even though I doubt, it would increase my faith."

That is 100% sin. Who are we to question God. He loves us too much to give us anything when we doubt. Instead of increasing of faith, it would poison our view of God, increase our own selfishness, and grow our ego far more than any of us would like.

We are legitimate children.

What troubles me more, is that I know my earthly father wants to help me, and provide for me. He wants to give me good things. When I ask for food, he's not going to give me rocks. 

Why don't I believe that about the One who created everything, OUT OF LOVE.
Why do I believe that when I ask God for something, He wont respond?

Because He wont. 

I've doubted His power. And He loves me too much and His name is too holy to let that doubt corrupt my view of Him. He is truth. There are no lies in Him.

So, yes. 
God wont give when I doubt, but what even started that doubt? 
I'm still trying to dig this up in  myself.
But, I know the characteristics of God, and the biggest one in all of the Word is love.
I know He loves me.
I know He has a purpose and a future for me.

Honestly, I'm sick of cutting short the promises of God in my life because of my unbelief. 
I want to live with absolute faith in the Almighty.
That power destroyed death, I will not hold onto what has already been destroyed for me.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


The Lord has been showing me something that is contagious among all peoples. Something that will make people follow and will make people walk of verbal and literally cliffs if someone appears to possess it. 


Look at every leader. Obama, Hitler, Mother Teresa, Billy Graham, anyone.
Everyone follows them because of their confident nature and manner. Rarely will anyone follow someone who isn't  very assured of what they believe or wont believe in their cause if they do not stand on it firmly. Even if they're completely wrong in every sense of the word, People are sucked into confidence. 

How does this apply to our relationship to the Father?
Do we know who we are in Christ?
Do we know our purpose and mission?
If so, are we standing on it like a solid rock that the Word says Jesus is, or do we treat it more like quick sand?

The writer of Hebrews had something to say about confidence.
3:13-15-13But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. 14We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first. 15As has just been said: 
   "Today, if you hear his voice, 
      do not harden your hearts 
   as you did in the rebellion."a]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[ 

4:15-16-15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

10:18-20-18And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin. 19Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body,

10:35-36- 35So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. 36You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

13:5-7-5Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 
   "Never will I leave you; 
      never will I forsake you." 6So we say with confidence, 
   "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. 
      What can man do to me?"

God has given me so much confidence as of late.
Not to say I'm one you should follow because my confidence is clearly overwhelming. 
But through trial after trial, revelation after revelation, prayer after prayer, God has come to me, defined me, and made me firm through it. I stand not on who I am, rather the Rock that Christ is. That is a promise of God for me: that I can live firmly and confidently through the Cross. Oh Lord, thank you for picking me out at an early age, so I didn't lose my identity further. 

Where is our confidence in the church...
I know for me, I am often terrified to bring up God in front of certain people, for I want my own image to be glorified rather than Christ. That is sin. 
My image means nothing, compared to the glory that Christ is going to receive on His day. 

I think we, as Christians, are afraid to branch out, to interact with someone who doesn't necessarily agree, and if they don't agree, they might know more about their "beliefs" than us, and the truth is, they probably do. I know if I was to get into an argument with an Atheist, they would probably beat me to a pulp; I wouldn't be able to "prove" the existence of God. But. I could love that person, and serve that person, more than anyone in their life ever has. And as cliche as that sounds, it would invoke a sense of worship, in me and in them. Even though they do not know Him, their souls cry out for Him. 
My point here is, do we have the confidence in our faith to be "proven" "wrong" and it not be defeat?  

I'm not out to argue whether or not my God exists. 
I know He does.
I am a product of His existence. 

I'm out there rather to love. To serve. To be with people. To fulfill my call be there for people and through this, the very character of Christ, who Himself confidently did this, won souls. 

They are not projects. They are people. With emotions and feelings just as you and I.

I have the confidence in who my God is, to know who I am.
If he doesn't exist, then who I know I am doesn't either. 

Friends, like the writer of Hebrews, I urge you not to through this precious gift of confidence away. It will be rewarded. Rather, cultivate it. Use it. Live it in. We have been given EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness. That includes confidence in God, and in ourselves.  

1 John 4:17 
In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him.

Sunday, October 4, 2009


We begin.