God, really isn't hard to understand in the concept of getting to know Him.
But we make it that way.
Things are getting settled here. We're having orientation week, having some basic courses on stuff like intimacy with God, intercession, and evangelism and the like. I've been reminded of a lot of things I've let slip from my mind. Thank you, Jesus, for reminding me off them.
I've missed home.
More than I should I think.
There have been times I've been dying just to speak with people back home.
I thought about pulling onto Briargate Pkwy from my house, and missed it. I wanted to do that.
I've missed singing in my car, driving with the windows down.
I've missed boba.
I've missed Starbucks, interacting with people and drinking coffee all the time (I still do that).
I've missed ice. How I long for really, REALLY cold mountain springs fresh water.
And do you know what keeps coming to mind?
I keep hearing God say, "count it loss."
"Count it loss compared to knowing me here. In this city. In Berlin, Germany. Count it loss. "
God, what about the people I love with all of my being? I miss them and I don't know if I can go on without them.
"Count it loss."
What else am I living for, I mean really.
Wife. Kids. Job? People?
This life is so, not worth it.
Count it loss.
This city. Where I'm at. Sooooo much has happened here.
More than just a wall being built to divide the city.
More than just hatred and angst towards people groups.
This city has known pain, far better than most other places all over the globe.
I heard it said today that, 7 out of 10 women in Berlin had been raped multiple times during WWII. Thats 70% of the population of females. In a city of probably around 2 million people.
Thats just one fact. I heard that 120,000 jews used to live in Berlin before WWII.
After. Maybe 5,000.
This city, is a mini-scale of Europe.
There are about 210 countries in the world.
Berlin has original peoples from around 160 of them.
160 nations represented, and so many haven't ever heard of Jesus.
Guys, this is going to be huge. The Lord wants to really pour out on this city, and as He does, these people will bring it back with them.
Nation, by nation will see Jesus.
SO much potential to see so much change.
I've received vision for it, the staff here feels very very very very similar.
And I'm more concerned about missing people back home?
Staying on skype instead of staying in prayer?
Waring for internet connection instead of waring for souls?
And I kept running from my purposes here.
I once was praying for Berlin. And the words "Lord, let Berlin be a Nineveh that once her sin is shown her, she can't help but run too you and repent!" just came out of my mouth. I felt that was the Spirit talking.
I believe that, if Berlin is Nineveh, I must surely be Jonah.
I have many Tarshishs I've been running too.
Many areas where my time is taken from me.
And I'm not living up to my calling here.
And I tell you something.
Thats as scary as hell to me. That I would do that here.
Who am I to refuse God.
I think thats the thing about sin. Sin robs us of pleasure. God will still bless us, regardless of sin. But, instead of being able to really rejoice and thank God for what we've been given, we feel guilt and shame. Sin robs us of the pleasure of rejoicing with God.
I've been so worried about people around me, and impatient and hoping that I would be able to bond with them right away.
And in my impatient frustration, I've set my expectations too high.
I was praying last night, asking God for help and how can I do this.
I was reminded of 1 Chronicles 28:20-21
You should read the whole chapter.
Then David said to Solomon his son, "Be strong and courageous and do it. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the LORD God, even my God, is with you. He will not leave you or forsake you, until all the work for the service of the house of the Lord is finished. And behold the divisions of the priests and the Levites for all the service of the house of God; and with you in all the work will be every willing man who has skill for any kind of service; also the officers and all the people will be wholly at your command."
People skilled in any and everything will be with you.
God's provided just the right people for me.
I think there is a lot of pride in anxiety.
thinking that we could do it better and not trusting God to do it the right way.
But. I'm a prideful selfish man.
Thank God for His grace and mercy on me.
He is so beyond good to me.
We need your prayers over here folks.
Intercede for Berlin. For Germany.
For the people.
Pray Jesus revealed. Pray the pain would be met with comfort and gentleness.
I think we're all going to be part of this, in one form or another. Not just me.
God, really loves me.
And I want to wear Psalms 42.
Not searching for time to be on my computer.
Searching for time to fill up praying. Knowing God. Learning His heart.
Jesus is all we have, fellow children.
I will not pretend to have anything else that matters anymore.