A story of God's grace and faithfulness.
I thought it appropriate to write out what the Lord is doing, in me, and how me moving to Berlin actually came to be.
In Revival Town one night, I was in the meeting with many others. It seemed like type a prayer meeting. Worsh, prayer, worsh, prayer. But. Towards the end. Fabian and Kathrin Heinze walked up on stage, preparing to pray for their nation, Deutschland. As Fabi gave background as to how to pray for Germany, for spiritual fathers, everyone's heart united and began to break for Germany. Launching into prayer in their native tongue, my heart exploded.
I cannot describe it.
It wasn't just cool to hear someone pray in another language.
It wasn't just powerful because the God they serve is the same one I serve (even though this is unquenchably powerful).
God was stirring my heart for the next step.
I heard tag was going to Germany at the end of June that night.
I felt strongly that I was supposed to go.
Since I felt like I wasn't made for "Missions" I didn't think a missions trip was in my alley.
The next day, Kayla, my best friend, signed up for the trip. I didn't even mention Germany to her. Now I didn't want to go because she was going and make it seem that was the reason I was going, but I felt the impression harder. GO. GO. GO.
I signed up. I went home that night telling my parents I was going.
Started learning German.
I signed up rather late, so a good chunk of the money was due in the next week. A good chunk being half of the $1500.
And I didn't even have my passport
I am terrible at saving money. Absolute wretched at it. But. Because I was planning a trip to Seattle that Summer, I was saving. I had a little bit over $900.
Just enough to get my passport, and pay half of the deposit.
I wrote support letters. I worked.
And the money kept flowing in.
The Lord used it for others.
It just kept coming in from random places.
The dollar sign means nothing to God.
Through the preparation of the team, and uniting together to pray for Berlin, and Gemeinde Auf Dem Weg, I just felt the Lord working on my character. Defining me.
One night, when we all had a spend the night deal at the prayer center, I felt like God told me He made me to be a reclaimer. Someone who calls back those who have wandered far.
By God's grace. Not my own ability.
God ordained so much. From scriptures being shared with others, to finance, to fellowship, all of it. By His hands.
Berlin finally came.
My heart was broken right in front of me, for a people so desperate for hope.
Looking at every feasible corner for some antidote for their guilt that was not their own.
Alcoholism. Homosexuality. Pornography. Partying. Work. Study.
Vice. Bondage. Sin. Chains.
German people carry the great guilt of millions of lives.
And the current generation's grandparents paved the way for it.
They can do nothing to offer for retribution. They alone must sit in the guilt.
No grace. No mercy. Simple condemnation and shame.
But somehow in all of this.
I knew Berlin was home.
More than Colorado Springs had ever been to me.
I knew I would be moving there, from the moment my feet touched German concrete.
If I were to describe that trip by itself, it would be a whole other blog.
God moved and moves.
When I told people I was moving back, they told me I wasn't. They said it wouldn't happen. That it was just feeling of excitement of my first missions trip. It would go away eventually.
It never did. Still hasn't.
But through the tortuous longs for Germany, I made plans elsewhere. I had doubts, and followed them at first.
The Furnace looked appealing. And I felt like it had to offer what I wanted. Community.
"The counterfeit comes before the real."
One day before the Furnace application was due, New Life was showing the long term missionaries that they sponsor. Fabi and Kathrin came up.
And as soon as I saw them on the screen, the Spirit of God overwhelmed me.
And the clearest words I feel like God has said to me were spoken.
"You're going back."
Amazed, I didn't know what to think of it all. I figured fall of 2010 was when, after the Furnace and all.
The next day, as I asked my parents for the check to pay the application fee for the Furn, they told me something that shocked me.
"We don't want you to do something with New Life. We want you out of your comfort zone..."
I didn't have the parental blessing. Huge deal.
People told me to apply anyways. My dad mentioned YWAM.
And when he did, my mind rushed to thoughts of others asking me if I was planning on doing YWAM in Berlin. In fact, I met someone in Berlin who was a Berliner, doing DTS in Berlin.
But the God ordainedness through it amazed me.
I didn't work the next few days, totally God.
I got to process with Kayla almost immediately. God.
Brent was sick the first time we tried to meet. So we rescheduled.
I wanted wisdom outside of my rents, and the other two men I would go to were living life with family and busy. But, God, knowing my needs and taking care of me, scheduled my meeting with Brent the day after all this. God.
God gave me new friends after Kayla and Lena left that were TRUE community. GOD.
Brent shared so much valuable wisdom with me. I am so grateful for what the Lord did in that conversation. It motivated me. I was challenged to step in faith.
Romans 4 in the message translation was a big passage of scripture through this for me.
Abraham walked, and trusted God to set him right. Not to be right on his own.
Abraham, the greatest example of faith, acted in faith.
And received promise because of it.
I'm not Abraham. But I have learned and am still learning a lot from him.
I emailed the YWAM base.
Got info. And just got excited.
I got accepted, even though I worried beyond belief.
I started preparation.
I bought my one-way plane ticket for $500.
DIA to Charlotte to Frankfurt to Berlin.
Because my mindset is one of human nature, and not yet of God, money was my biggest concern.
$5000+ in less than 4 months. I couldn't do it.
There was no way.
On tag retreat, I felt the Lord specifically tell me not to send out support letters this time around.
I freaked out constantly. Worrying about money and provision.
But through random people. God provided little by little.
$50 here, $20 there.
I was so thankful. But all of it still didn't measure to much.
Not nearly enough.
Through all of this. The Lord just began to break me.
Showing me all my dependance and hope and trust is in me, and those around me.
And for the last 3 months, God has been having His way with me.
Destroying all my realities of Him.
Wrecking my view of me. And more so of Him.
All Him. By His hands.
This finally bumps us up more to speed.
For DTS, I had to be insured inside of Germany.
The only way that could happen, was if my dad's work would cover me, and somehow consider YWAM higher education.
They consider it higher education. I'm insured.
HUGE deal. God is faithful.
I still around this point, only have $900 ish.
Not nearly the $2240 I need for the lecture phase, due Jan. 22.
God is faithful.
God is faithful.
GOD is faithful.
God IS faithful.
God is FAITHFUL.
Since my dad's job is considering YWAM higher ed, they can dip into a fund for that education to help provide they way.
We had no clue.
After Christmas, I had $3500.
Enough to cover the first section. Incredible.
God has provided for me in the small things.
From chap stick to coffee tumblers.
Clothes to $2300.
I still need more money.
But because I know He is faithful, I know it will come at just the right time.
So. In 13 days, the great return to Berlin will be made.
I am absolutely amazed by God.
Who He is.
How He is.
What He is.
Why He is.
Germany will be changed.
Not because of my going.
Because of God's jealousy for His people.
There is so much more to the story. Because its His.
There is so much more to be written. He already wrote it.
I am nothing without Jesus.
Mere dirt, without the Spirit.
And it is He who empowers.
I'm humbled and honored to make my way to such an incredible place.
That He, would choose me.
That He loves me.
That He intertwines the desires of my heart into His will for me.
Here I am, Lord.
A mere servant. Here for You. And the work of Your hands.
God is faithful.