things you don't wanna see.

I left the Springs three months ago, more excited about Berlin than about outreach.
Berlin was the only thing I could think about.
And now. My time left in Berlin is almost over. Less than two weeks left.
I cannot believe its here already. Its almost like us students are begging God for more time.
We don't feel like we've grown. We know we have, but we can't see it. yet.
I left home 12 weeks ago with a message from the Lord about outreach.

"Taylor, you're going to see things on outreach that you don't want to see. That no one wants to see. But no matter what, do not fear. Even when you want to be afraid. Do not fear."

Never in my life did I think this would be in Africa.
Or that I would be a missionary in such a place. A dark, hard, beautiful mesh of land.
We all hear about the troubles that Africa has experienced.

Orphans. AIDS. Widows. War. Child soldiers. and the like...

I've always heard that the "real" missionaries go to Africa. And personally, I never had the desire. I thought so many times, "I hate how everyone just goes to Africa and ignores the other places on earth." Which I still agree with, but my heart was hard because of all the suffering in Africa that had been exposed to me.
There is great need in this place.

So many people dying.
So many people sick.
So many people hurt.
So many people.

People who know brokenness.
People who know death.
People who know evil.
People who know injustice.

The least of these.
The scum of the earth.
The place that everyone all over the world looks upon, and expresses pity.

This is unreal. And I'm not only going to see this. I'm going to experience it. 12 weeks among a people who have the most incredible stories ever told, and many of them are only 1/3 of my age. They've lost it all. And its not like that had much to begin with. But they have nothing.


And what can I, a westerner with a simple desire to know God, do to help these people?

Nothing.
Just as Jesus could do nothing by Himself (John 5:30).

You see, when I found out we were going to Mozambique and South Africa, something in my heart changed.
An anticipation filled my heart. Excitement. Eagerness.
A readiness.

In 10 days, I fly out of Frankfurt, to Qatar, to Johannesburg. Then by bus to Maputo.

This is crazy, I am only an 18 year old punk who got of high school almost a year ago (its almost already been a year?!).
Why am I doing this? HOW am I doing this?
I can't describe the incredible awe of God's grace in this situation.

But I know I have purpose and mission there.
And by the grace of God, I am what I am.
I'm going to see things I don't want to see.